Lady of the Streets
by badfurry
Summary: Dagmara Bell is the keeper of the peacock miraculous. This miraculous represents nobility. One problem. Dagmara is the exact opposite! What kinds of wacky adventures will ensue? Tune in to see Dagmara's excapades around Paris
1. Leaving the Projects

Um… Howdy. My name is Dagmara. Its some shitty exotic name my parents gave me to make me more cultured, but growing up in the projects of the Bronx, I'm not sure how much culture my Mom could make me absorb. I moved to Paris when I was nine. Well, my Mom dragged me along. Sure I hated the projects as much as anyone, but I had friends there. Friends I had made through tough times. We starved together, we laughed together, and we made good memories. While I was looking forward to getting enough to eat (my mom saved up enough money at her factory job and married a rich guy who lived in France). And living in a big house (We lived in an old run-down apartment before and I slept on the floor with my mom.) I still longed for my old friends. I was nervous about moving to a whole new country. I didn't even know what language they spoke! I was hoping they spoke Spanish, because I had been able to pick up a word or two here and there back in the projects. On the plane ride there, I snuggled up to my Mom.

"Mommy, how much longer until we get there?" I asked

"Oh honey, we still have another ten hours" she replied sweetly.

"Fucking shit" I muttered, slumping down in my seat.

Mom's eyes darted around nervously, as if everyone on the plane was judging her for how her daughter talked. "Honey… didn't I tell you once we got to France, that we would leave behind that… street talk. Okay?" She nervously smiled.

I rolled my eyes.

Her expression turned stern, and said "Alright miss thing. How about we learn some French. Say hello."

"Hello" I spat.

I swear her eye twitched. I sighed and realized I was being a brat, but i didn't want her to know that.

"Bun-jar" I said

"Honey…" I could tell she was holding back some giggles.

"Bun-jar Bun-jar Bun-jar" I chanted

"Ahaha okay sweetie that's enough." She chuckled

"BUN-JAR! BUN-JAR! BUN-JAR FRANCE! BUN-JAR PARIS! BUN-JAR!" I shrieked until a flight attendant came around.

"Ma'am, the captain asked you to please keep your little ennui under control. His words not mine." The flight attendant spat in a thick accent. I stuck my tongue out at her and my Mom apologized. After all those shennanigans, I passed out for the rest of the flight.

At the airport, I saw mom's boyfriend, he seemed nice. By nice I mean rich. He was decked out with gold chains, wristwatches and even teeth! He seemed older, like he could be my Mom's Dad. At the time I didn't think much of it. I was just hungry. He grabbed her roughly and planted an open-mouthed kiss on her lips.

"Let us get to the house immediately" He murmured into her neck. My mom nodded feverently and we rushed to his car. It was a large black car and looked very expensive. I wondered if he was a mobster. I was about to ask him when he whipped around to face me with his huge gut at the level of my eyes.

"Listen here. You learn French this summer and you learn it good. Don't bother me or your mother. Got it?" He spat glowering at me.

I nodded quickly. We got in the car and he rolled up a window between the back seat and front seat. Again, I didn't think much of it, so I looked around for something to do. There were some dirty magazines in French so I picked those up.

'Time to learn French' I thought to myself.


	2. Seven years later

Living in Paris was a nightmare. While I had enough food to eat, and I finally got to go to a normal school, I never saw my mom, except for family meals and I had no friends. At school I was made fun of for my broken French. At those family meals I could see mom's boyfriend reach into her skirt and she would be covered in bruises. One night when I was sixteen, I heard some noises coming from downstairs.

"Take it bitch! take it! You little whore!" I managed to understand in French.

"No! Please stop! You're hurting me Dmitri!" Mom cried out.

"I've had enough of your bullshit bitch! I'll fucking kill you and fuck the shit out of your pretty little brat!"

"No! Leave Dagmara out of this!"

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Three shots. I wasn't very smart, but I knew that those were gunshots, my mom was probably dead, and Dmitri was coming for my ass. I had to think fast. He was coming up the stairs. I threw a change of clothes, some deodorant, my makeup, my switchblade, a toothbrush and toothpaste. I rushed into Dmitri's safe room, and dug around for the safe. My heart hammered in my chest as I heard him scream for my name. I nervously picked the lock, took about 1,000 euros from the safe and frantically looked around for an exit. He was getting closer. I saw a window, opened it, and jumped.

Luckily, his safe room was on the first floor of his fortress. I bolted. I knew I could outrun him, but I couldn't outrun his bullets. I've never run faster in my entire life before that moment. I couldn't even think about what had just happened. The one thought on my mind was _Run._

And that's what I did. I kept going and going and going until I reached an alleyway in the heart of Paris. I knew his fat ass would never catch up to me or find me among all the people here. I slumped against the wall.

Mom was dead.

Tears flowed out of my eyes. I curled up into a ball and sobbed. The woman who cared for me all these years, the woman who took whatever bullshit tantrums I threw she dealt with. I was ungrateful, I was careless, and now she was gone. My heart ached.

"Hey kid." I saw a lean muscular bald guy with a cigarette. He looked attractive, maybe in his twenties.

"You down on your luck? I can help" I nodded, and he helped me up.

"Look, you seem like you need some help. I'll give you food and shelter in exchange for one thing." I nodded vigorously.

He smirked and held up a picture of some bejeweled peacock feathers. "I need you to steal these, from the Agreste manor. Can you do that?" I nodded again.

"Good, I'll show you where it is." We walked for a bit until we reached the manor.

"It should be behind a painting of a blonde woman. The rest is in your hands" He ran off.

Great. What the hell had I gotten myself into.


	3. Breaking and Entering

I knew I had to break in without causing any suspicion. Luckily for me, it was nighttime and the residents would be asleep. I scaled the wall of the house and found a window. I opened it and found myself in a large bedroom. On the bed, there was a young boy fast asleep. I think he was in the class below me, but I wasn't sure. I tiptoed around the bed and down a flight of stair until I reached the door that led outside of his bedroom. After looking all around the house and not finding that fucking painting, I went into the front room of the house and looked for something else I could steal and maybe sell. 1,000 euros wasn't enough to sustain me for long. Lo and behold I turned around and saw it.

The painting.

And it was a big ass painting too.

Damn.

I started by moving it, but it ended up falling and causing a huge noise.

Shit

Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit

I quickly picked the lock on the safe, and dug around for those stupid feathers. Among all the riches in the safe, I found the three. I snatched them and ran. I broke one of the windows, jumped out and ran. I ran until I knew I was far away from the house. Then it hit me.

Where the hell was Mr. Baldy gonna be so I could give him the goods?

Great.

Just perfect.

For now, I guess I could get a hotel room. Maybe not a fancy one, but something's better than nothing. After about four hours or so. I found a dingy hole in the wall that charged 75 euros per night. The old woman working there looked tired and pissed.

"Name?" she asked.

"Dagmara" Stupid! I should have used a fake name goddamnit!

"Dagmara what?" Shit. I didn't even know my last name. I looked around frantically and saw the little dingy bell that hotels have at the front desk.

Bell.

Yeehaw I was not screwed.

"Bell. Dagmara Bell" I gave her a toothy grin.

Her old eyes slowly moved from the bell, to me. Jesus I probably looked a wreck. My long orange hair was probably damp with sweat, not to mention that my clothes were covered in dirt, sweat, and blood. I even had some glass shards sticking out of my forearms. Her gaze softened, but only slightly.

"Okay… Dagmara Bell. Follow me to your room." I nodded and followed her up. She opened the door for me.

"Wait here." She said and I sprawled out on the bed.

When she returned, she had a whole slew of items.

"Okay, normally I don't do this, but I can tell you are in a tough spot. Don't pay me anything. I will get you food and you stay here free of charge until you are old enough to get a job and get back on your feet. Here is a belt. Your pants look loose on you. Here is some shampoo and soap. Rest up kiddo." With that, she left.

I was too tired to question her hospitality. Right now I just needed to sleep.

The next day I woke up to find the feathers sprawled out on the floor and a little peacock flying about the room.

"Oh! You're finally awake! Allow me to introduce myself! I am called Pavone, the peacock miraculous. Young lady, it is now your duty to fight in the face of evil! You will represent the face of nobility, chivalry, and vigilance!" It squawked

Literally what the fuck.


	4. A Rude Awakening

**A/N Hey guys! Thanks so much for reading! I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'm getting a lot of inspiration from Peter Westbrook's Harnessing Anger. You guys should read it, its super interesting!**

Literally what the fuck.

"Um yea… listen here you fuckin… parrot. I just woke up I'm gonna need like 5 minutes hit me up until then. I mean like in the past twelve hours I stole fuckin… bejeweled feathers and 1,000 euros. Actually give me like 15." I yawned and stretched.

The little peacock parrot thing gasped. "Such vulgarities coming from a young lady! You are hardly the essence of what the illustrious Miss Peacock should be! If only you were more like Miss Peacock Agreste! Oh my she was perfect! Wait…. YOU STOLE THE MIRACULOUS?" Pavone seemed furious.

"God chill the fuck out yes I did. As soon as I find that bald dude who wanted these 'miraculouses' or whatever old baldy gets to be miss peacock because you're getting to be a real pain in the ass buddy. Plus isn't a higher heart rate bad for birds?" Checkmate Pavone.

"Nononono. That man wants to take over Paris! Maybe the world! Much to my dismay I am stuck with you, but know this. You are a zero. You are nothing but a turd and you should flush yourself down the toilet. You will never live up to the legacy of Miss Peacock. You are nothing but a filthy street rat." Pavone spat.

I stopped. This feathered motherFUCKER is about to get an ass beating. I just told him I went through a lot and he has the nerve to start fucking with me like that. I grabbed Pavone by his scrawny bird neck and shoved him against the wall.

"You know what? Considering you're stuck with me you should show some fuckin manners! Plus how the hell do you even know all of this? You said you're those bejeweled feathers right? You've been sitting in a dusty ass safe. The fuck outta here! You say you know me but if you did you'd understand what I've been through the past half day. You would have known how much I struggled in the projects, what my mom last screams were, picking out glass shards from your arms. You're nothing but a prissy little bird-brain! I beating the fuck outta you will be easy.." I tightened my grip on his throat.

"Ack Gah! A-woman… should SQUAWK… never say such…. SQUAWK… vulgarities" Pavone gasped and struggled. I have had it up to here with Pavone's bullshit. I threw him on the ground.

"These feathers look like shit I bet they're costume!" I screamed. I lifted my foot over the feathers.

"Wait! NO-" Pavone yelled

Slam! My door opened with the old lady from last night looking very upset in the doorway.

"Why the hell are the two of you so loud?" She barked.

I looked from her to Pavone several times. How the hell did she know that there were two of here?

"We need to talk. Meet me on the first floor in five minutes. Don't be late." And with that she slammed the door. I glared at Pavone and began to get myself ready for this… talk.


	5. About the Past

**Hey guys! Please review!**

Five minutes later we were in the main room of the hotel, sitting at a table near the front desk. The old woman was sipping some brandy and scowling.

"Alright you two. Let's get down to business. You two are extremely noisy. I am very happy to host you two indefinitely, however you, Dagmara Bell must do something for me." She said

"Look if you need me to take care of things around here I'll do it free of charge" I offered

The woman smirked. "Of course you would. I would be paying you with housing and food. However, I don't think even indentured servitude could save this place. You're going to go to school. You can learn to fit in with the rest of society and maybe even find others with miraculouses."

Pavone gasped "You can't be serious! She won't last a day! Not because she'll be consumed by her peers rather she would consume them! Or get expelled." I flicked him.

"Pavone my friend, you should learn to be more open to the person who's going to help you fight evil. After all, not every Peacock is akin to Marie Agreste." She said.

"Jeanette please…" Pavonne groaned. Jeanette looked at him sternly.

"Wait um… Jeanette. Pavonne kept talking about a 'Miss Peacock Agreste'. Is she Marie?" I inquired.

"Precisely, in fact I used to fight alongside her as yellow jacket. I had the bee miraculous. I was so, so fast. In my day, I was quite the tactician, and I led all of the miraculous users to victory and we kept Paris safe for a while. That is, until Marie was killed during a battle…" Jeanette trailed off, staring into her glass.

"Jeanette…" Pavone growled.

"She told me to save the miraculous instead of her. She wanted the legacy of Miss Peacock to continue forever. After she passed we all went our separate ways and retired our miraculouses. We had thought we were invincible. We were young and with superpowers, we thought the world was our playground and nothing could stop us. It wasn't until Marie's death that we realized how dangerous this job could be. Luckily Adrien, her son was young so he wasn't too traumatized by the loss of his mother but Gabriel… Gabriel was devastated. As a team we had agreed to keep all of the miraculouses with Master Fu, however… Gabriel kept Marie's miraculous, and his own." Jeanette finished.

I just kind of sat there. I couldn't even process what I had just been told. I looked to Pavone, who wasn't floating around anymore, but was sitting on the table in a pile of his own funk.

"I was around forty by the time we all went our separate ways. Anyways, enough of hearing me talk, we should let you get a hang of your super powers." Jeanette nodded to Pavone who seemed to perk up at this idea. We headed to a space in the back of the hotel, and prepared to learn before school.


	6. Metamorphoses

"Okay Dagmara, say something cool that will get Pavone to transform you into Miss Peacock." Jeanette instructed. I took a deep breath and shouted "Pavone! Strap in it's time to take flight!"

"Okay that's good, except you need it to be shorter." Pavone quipped.

God I want to pummel that stupid peacock. Truth be told what I said wasn't original. I just remembered what the captain said to us before the flight to France began all those years ago. If he wanted it short, then he was gonna get short.

"Pavone! Take flight!" I shouted and he got sucked into one of the three feathers. A bright light had surrounded me and I saw my clothes transforming. The whole transformation lasted about four seconds, but it felt like it had been happening my whole life and my reveal after the transformation was the defining moment of that life. The light faded and my body felt tighter… somehow. Probably due to the amount of leather and spandex covering my body.

"Pavone?" I called out.

"Dagmara Bell, Pavone cannot communicate with you while you are transformed, but you may want to see what you look like" Jeanette guided me inside towards a mirror.

I looked myself up and down. I was wearing a sleeveless leather jacket that had been cropped at my hips, a teal unitard trimmed with vibrant green lace, black ankle length boots and wrist length gloves. I was also wearing a gold collar necklace with a turquoise jewel in the middle. Upon my face was a white mask that had a stripe of black where my eyes were. I stared dumbfounded in the mirror. Never in my life had I looked so… so…

Fucking unitarded.

Jeanette must have seen my expression, because she burst out laughing.

"I have never seen such an… alternate looking Miss Peacock… Miss Peacock." She chuckled.

"Ugh. Just call me Dagmara. That way I don't feel so stupid." I grumbled.

"I'm sorry, who's Dagmara? When you put on the suit you become Miss Peacock, guardian of vigilance, nobility and order. When you are in possession of the fan, you become the defender of the innocent. You are Miss Peacock." Jeanette placed her hand on my shoulder.

"You're lucky I never gave Master Fu my miraculous either. Although I have a hunch none of the miraculous users did, except Ladybug and Chat Noir. Now you get to practice on Yellow Jacket. Shinnida!" A small hovering bee with a large head flew out from behind the front desk.

"What can I do ya for Jeanette?" It asked.

"Shinnida, It's time to show the young pups how to save the day. Formation Impetus!" A similar bright light surrounded Jeanette and then dissipated. She wore a yellow catsuit with black stripes on her arms and legs, and black goggles.

She actually looked really cool. Like, she was a futuristic superhero who could go zero to a hundred in three seconds. She appeared to be the embodiment of everything I wanted to be.

"I'll give you a headstart. You have ten seconds to get into the backyard, formulate a tactic and defeat me. Your ten seconds start now. Go!" She sat down and sipped her brandy.

I was still standing there looking like a fool.

"Go on! Git! Unless you want me to destroy the hotel lobby!" She shooed me outside. There was no way she could move as fast as she used to, and no way her mind was still intact after drinking that much alcohol. Still, I ran outside as fast as I could.

 **Okay I'm leaving it off there. I won't write any more chapters until I get some feedback (ahem reviews). Sorry to be kind of petty like that. But I will give you guys some of my visual headcanons for Jeanette and Dagmara.**

 **Jeanette: Valentina Vezzali (** **)**

 **Dagmara: Alina Talay (** **)**


	7. Fight or Flight

**Damn badfurry! Back at it again with the new update despite there being no reviews and you typed up this big ass chapter daaaaaaaamn! (lol i'm just playing I'm writing this for fun IDGAF if y'all review**

I was outside, out of breath, and had no idea what to do. What the hell did she mean formulate a tactic? What the hell am I supposed to do with this fan? Cool her off? I saw a picnic table with several weeds growing around it. Perfect. I could hide there and buy myself some more time. I darted under it and examined the ornate fan. I ran my index finger over one of the feathers. It was sharp! Not like a blade sharp, but more like a hook. Maybe I could fold up the fan and use it as a shiv! I had a gut feeling that the fan might have more magical properties than just being a shiv, but I would have to figure that out later. Some old lady in a bee suit was chasing after me! I heard the door slam open.

"Miss Peacock! Come out wherever you are! Mon Dieu I forgot how much more alive I felt when wearing this gettup!" Jeanette called out.

My mind snapped into focus. If this old broad wanted to scrap just to relive her glory days, then she might have to update her pacemaker to keep up with this here young pup. Or should I say peacock? I clumsily crawled out from the picnic table and got the fan/shiv ready.

"Alright busy bee let's dance!" I shouted, trying to sound cool. I remember hearing people saying let's dance before knife fights late at night back in the projects.

"Hmm. Just what I expected from you. A primitive, barbaric knife. Are you going to give me a knife fight like the Americans do? I've always wanted to seem like a gangster you know. However, I am simply more powerful than you and I guess the smallest blade I can come up with is…" She paused, allowing her to get out a huge stinger. It had a two handed pommel, and the stinger looked like a lance. An eight foot lance I think.

Fuck my life. As she charged at me, I stood paralyzed in fear, sitting on the ground like a dumbass.

'Dear God, if you exist, and I'm not so sure of it at this point because my mom is dead, and I'm about to get shanked by an old woman, please let me not get shanked by this old broad. Amen. But like if I do, make sure I die quickly, because I've seen people bleed to death in Brooklyn and it sounded horrible. Amen this time for real' I thought frantically. Upon instinct, I unfolded the fan in front of my face, waiting for the killing blow.

'At least Pavone will never be able to emotionally scar anyone else' I concluded.

I waited

And waited.

But there was never a stab to the head. I looked up and realized that Jeanette… or rather Yellow Jacket was having some difficulty getting her stupid lance out of the fan. Upon closer inspection, I saw that the fan was made out of some kind of metal! I curled up my legs underneath her belly and vaulted her out of my fan. After folding up the fan, I raced underneath the picnic table again to figure out what else this baby could do.

Except Yellow Jacket recovered a lot quicker than I thought and grabbed onto my leg. I went to whack her with the fan, except my thumb accidentally brushed over a button at the base of it. It… grew?

Nononono, it didn't grow, more like expanded really quickly and hit Yellow Jacket in the face, sending her careening across the yard/lot. Shit damn this thing is a lot less useless than I thought. I charged at her with the long fan. I felt like a real badass until…

She grinned, wiped some blood from her mouth and threw her lance into the air. She began doing a series of finger motions on her left forearm, that almost looked like she was pressing buttons. When she was done, she started to cackle, causing me to stop dead in my tracks and look up.

"Here's your knife fight Miss Peacock!" She screeched.

Luckily I retreated fast enough to… well, trip over myself. Those knives weren't slowing down. I unfolded the fan and used it as a shield/shelter from the sharp rain of shivs. Hopefully I survived this to be able to tell off Jeanette for being a BITCH. The sound of the knives ricocheting off the fan was deafening. It sounded like the golf-ball sized hail nuggets that would bounce off the tin roof of the shack I lived in back in Brooklyn. Once I was sure that knives had stopped coming, I removed the giant fan and glowered at Yellow Jacket, who had transformed back into Jeanette.

I stomped over to her.

"Jeanette! Literally what the hell was that? I thought you were going to fuckin kill me! I thought I was supposed to be a guardian of Paris or whatever how am I supposed to do that if I'm dead?!" I shouted, feeling my face grow hot.

"That was scary! I thought I was just gonna learn some fan techniques not get killed!" I was out of breath.

"Are you quite finished? You need to transform back." She stated cooly. I glared at her and transformed back.

"You know what? You shouldn't talk while you're Miss Peacock. You could scare little children after you save them with your… hood rat dialect. Plus it could give away your identity. You fought like a cornered animal, and that's not how the Peacock I remembered fought. She was graceful, kind, and above all composed. I wish there was a sewer rat miraculous so it could train you." Pavone lectured.

Great. The little blue bastard was back.

"While you're at it, could you fetch me some scones and strawberry jam? Being hit by fans and being called a shiv is exhausting. Then could you draw me up a bubble bath? Marie always did that for me…" Pavone requested. I saw red and snatched him out of the air and squeezed him.

"You think you're exhausted? Did you run around trying to dodge flying knives? And after to verbally rip me a new one you expect me to be at your beck and call? Screw you! Since day 1, you've been nothing but a pain in the ass. You know what? It's still day 1, and the amount of shit I've gotten from you has been unbelievable! And you know what the worst part is? I HAVE TO SIT HERE AND CONSTANTLY BE REMINDED HOW I'M NOT SOMEONE WHO'S BETTER THAN ME! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT AS A KID I WANTED TO BE RICH! IF BEING RICH MEANT I WOULD HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH SHITHEADS LIKE YOU I WOULD TAKE THE PROJECTS ANY DAY! AT LEAST THEY WOULDN'T GIVE ME SHIT FOR THE WAY I TALKED! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! YOU CONSTANTLY SAY HOW I'M INADEQUATE, BUT HONESTLY, I'D RATHER BE INADEQUATE THAN HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR CONSTANT STREAM OF BULLSHIT! FUCK! YOU!" I made sure that little fucker heard those last two words loud and clear.

"You know what you little sewer rat? Maybe I have been a less than pleasant towards you, but at least I didn't go and steal an ANCIENT ARTIFACT I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT. YOU BROKE INTO ONE OF THE MOST ESTEEMED ESTATES IN PARIS! YOU ACT LIKE I'M THE ABUSIVE ONE, BUT SINCE WE MET EARLIER TODAY, YOU HAVE BEEN SLAMMING ME INTO WALLS, STRANGLING ME AND PUTTING ME THROUGH PHYSICAL ABUSE! NEVER IN THE 5,000 YEARS OF ADVISING YOUNG MISS PEACOCKS HAS ANYONE EVER GONE OUT OF THEIR WAY TO PERSONALLY HARM ME! YOU THINK ADVISING YOU IS EASY? I'M USED TO THE NICEST, SWEETEST GIRLS IN HISTORY AND I GET STUCK WITH ONE OF THE MOST UNGRATEFUL BRATS EVER! YOU THINK YOU HAD IT SO BAD IN THE PROJECTS? US KWAMI SEE EVERYTHING! YOU HAD IT SIGNIFICANTLY EASIER THAN THE OTHER KIDS BECAUSE YOU WERE WHITE! YOUR MOTHER WAS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO ELOPE WITH A MILLIONAIRE AND GET YOU OUT OF THERE! MOST KIDS WHO LIVE IN SLUMS ARE BORN AND DIE THERE! I'VE WATCHED ALL OF THE TANTRUMS YOU'VE HAD OVER THE DUMBEST THINGS, NEVER ONCE THANKING YOUR MOTHER FOR ALL SHE DID FOR YOU! I WISH YOUR MOTHER WOULD HAVE STOLEN ME AND USED ME TO SLIT YOUR THROAT!" Pavone squawked. He suddenly put one of his wings up to his beak in surprise.

"That last part I didn't mean, I would never wish death upon a young woman I swear" He begged.

Okay, that whole speech or whatever really shocked me. I didn't even want to come up with a rebuttal. That fucking scrawny pigeon really roasted me. I turned around and walked inside the building up to my room.

 **Hoooly shit things are getting dramatic! Damn I surprised myself this chapter is almost fifteen-hundred words dayum.**


	8. The Angst is Real

p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"strongspan style="font-size: 14.6667px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: transparent;"Hi I'm back and I'm ready to upload a bunch of content I hope y'all are ready. Tbh I recommend listening to Cro while reading this. Anything by him is just good anyway (like, he makes German rap he's pretty dope ngl)./span/strong/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"I sat at the edge of the bed in my room. I was shell-shocked. I can't believe I didn't think about it earlier. I can't believe I never considered how my mom was feeling at all, I never even began to think about what Pavone thought. Yeah he was kind of a dick and said a bunch of shitty things to me, but like… I wasn't any more well behaved. It's not like I could pull a "you need me me more than I need you" thing on him, even though he was an ass. That was because Jeanette seemed happy to have Pavone and I around. She seemed to be able to go back and remember her days as a kid, fighting crime and stuff. I mean, she always talked about it. I couldn't even cry, I just stared at the floor. I then allowed myself to replay all of the bad things that happened in my life. I never let myself think about it, because I was always on the move and I had to survive. Right now though, as things stood, I had food and shelter. /span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"My mind wandered to when I was five. It was late at night and there was a riot. There were car alarms going off and the smell of smoke filled my nostrils/span/p  
p style="text-align: left;"strong id="docs-internal-guid-783bc6ed-98a2-25e2-45c6-73da68c46793" style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;" /p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"I awoke with a start, the smell of smoke was pungent in the air and sounds of screaming filled the air. I looked out my window to see several car tires on fire, and people were chanting something. I don't remember what, but it sounded angry. The rest of the night I slept with mom, where I thought the smoke and screams couldn't get me./span/p  
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Two years later, I came home from school. I remember being really hungry because I thought my mom forgot to pack me a lunch. I walked to the 'kitchen' and saw mom gazing tearfully into the empty pantry./span/p  
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Momma? Why didn't you pack me a lunch? Can you make me some food? I'm really hungry momma please. Can you make some Mac and Cheese? I tried some from one of my friend's lunches it was yummy. Can I have that?" I asked, tugging at her shirt./span/p  
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Sweetie, look in the pantry. There's nothing there." She uttered./span/p  
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""Well go get some more silly! I love going to the grocery store with you momma! We can buy all the Mac and Cheese! We can also get apples and hot dogs and coloring books and-"/span/p  
p style="text-align: left;"strong style="font-weight: normal;" /strong/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;""WELL THAT'S THE FUCKIN PROBLEM DAGMARA! I CAN'T GO OUT AND GET FOOD BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE MONEY! FOOD STAMPS WON'T COME UNTIL TWO DAYS FROM NOW SO I GUESS THERE WON'T BE ANY GODDAMN MAC AND CHEESE WILL THERE?" She burst out. I remember running from the room crying. I remember her trying to comfort me, but I wouldn't have it. /span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"At the time I thought I was right for treating her like a dog; she was mean to me so I was mean to her. I realized in the moment I stared at the puke-green carpet, that my mom was just trying to get by. She was trying to raise a fussy kid on her own and she couldn't get a job because she had to raise me. Maybe she wanted to give me the Mac and Cheese and coloring books but she couldn't buy it. /span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Then it clicked./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"That's why she moved with some old sleazy guy to France./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"That's why she rarely spoke to me but made sure I had enough to eat./span/p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"span style="font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"She wanted me to be happy. She wanted me to be able to go to bed with a full belly. She wanted a better life for me out of the slums. I touched my face to find that it was wet. For the first time in years, I cried. I cried myself to sleep./span/p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;" /p  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"strongspan style="font-size: 14.6667px; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; background-color: transparent;"OOOOOO Angsty! OOOOWEEE/span/strong/p 


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